No Regrets

Fear has been part of my DNA as long as can remember.  I think this is because my parents loved me so much and had trouble conceiving me.  Once I arrived to parents with a low sperm count and a tilted uterus that required my mother to spend the last four months of my conception in bed, they did everything to ensure I would be SAFE in life.  This included being sure to not climb high places, swim in water over my head, talk to strangers, ride a bike without training wheels until I was 10 and generally grow up afraid of everything!  Of course I did try my hand at a few stunts that I saw other brave souls doing, but invariably I paid the price of skinned up  and band-aided knees  which seemed to reinforce the message that life was dangerous for Me.

The funny thing is I did not raise my children like that all.  I encouraged tree climbing, swimming and ran behind my daughter as she took off bravely on her bike down the sidewalk.  I have memories of my daughter being tossed over her father’s head time and time again when she was just a toddler.  Studies have shown that this encourages balance and a well adjusted sense of space.  She is the one that was always out exploring on land and bringing me bugs and lizards and snakes and watching me shreak and run from them. Now she is now grown and loves roller coasters, mountain skiing, and sky diving to name a few.  To say it mildly, she is not afraid of heights. 

I have thought about the last two vacations and how I watched from below while my husband took in the view of Oahu from 2600 feet viewing pineapple farms, mountains, ocean tides and the occasional whale  or in Florence where I stood firmly on the ground while he climb the tower of Jotta and beheld the majesty of the city because I could not .  The views that he saw  are lost to me, because I was afraid.  Even in the safety of my living room I have watched numerous action movies where Jackie Chan or Bruce Willis rolls around on top of a 100 story building in peril of falling any minute.  My hands begin to perspire as I chant to myself “it’s only a movie, it’s only a movie”.

Yesterday,  I went on a zipline through the hill country.  I didn’t want to go, but at the prodding of my husband, we went.  After the 1st zipline, (there are 5 at this zipline) I was shaking and about to cry). On the 2nd zipline I was speechless and awestruck.  By the third, the longest one in the lower 48 states, I was squealling with joy (much like my toddler daughter). At the end of the run I felt like I had conquered the world, but I had conquered much more.  I had conquered an old nemisis that had hung around  way too long.  It was  like shedding a skin and being reborn. The excilliration that I feel now is exciting and makes me want to try so many other things.  Maybe that’s a little too much, but it’s exactly how I felt flying through the air at 35 miles per hour 300 feet up in the air in just a harness. I want so much to grab life while I’m still here on this earth. No more being afraid, being ever so careful. Life is so short, a vapor.  After being afraid for long and then realizing, that I didn’t have to be afraid, the freedom that kissed my faced with the wind felt cool and sweet. 

For more information about zipline adventures click http://www.wimberleyzipline.com

 http://youtube.com/watch?v=T73OVz9iolw